The King

The beautiful secretary of a bank president was asked to squire around the king of a wealthy African kingdom, one of the bank’s most important clients.

After a day shopping & sightseeing, the king was utterly besotted with the lady, and asked for her hand in marriage. The proposal took the secretary by surprise and she was thinking of how to turn him down politely without jeopardising the bank’s business relationship.

So she told the king that she would only marry him if he fulfilled three conditions. The king readily agreed. The secretary named her first condition. She would only marry him if he could give her a 75-carat diamond ring with matching 200 carat tiara.

The king thought for a while and said finally, “No problem! I have, I have”.

One down, the lady thought up something more complex. “My second condition is that you must build me a 200 room mansion in the best district of New York City and for my holiday home, a chateau in the middle of the best wine country in France.”

The king whipped out his cellular phone and after a lengthy conversation with his broker in New York, he said triumphantly, “OK, I build, I build”.

Realising that she was down to her last defence, the lady thought hard. Finally, she smiled to herself thinking that her third condition was the best yet.

Surely the king could not possibly fulfil this one. “Well,” she said, “You know, I love sex, so the man I marry MUST have a 14-inch long penis.”

The king was silent and thoughtful for a long time, burying his face in his hands. Finally, he shook his head, and in a rather sad, resigned voice said, “OK, OK, I cut, I cut”.

Wrong number

Hi honey, this is Daddy…..is your mommy near the phone?
No Daddy. She’s upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Frank” Brief pause. Daddy says: “But you haven’t got an Uncle Frank, honey.”
Yes I do. He’s upstairs with Mommy now.” Daddy says: ”
Honey, let’s play a joke. Put down the phone, knock on the bedroom door, and tell Mommy that Daddy’s home.” ”
Okay, Daddy.” A few minutes later, the little girl comes back to the phone. “I did what you said, Daddy.”
And what happened?”
Well, Mommy jumped out of the bed, ran around screaming, then tripped over the rug and fell downstairs. She’s not moving anymore.”
“I’m sorry honey. What about Uncle Frank?” ”
He jumped out the back window into the swimming pool…but he must have forgotten that last week you took out all the water.
Swimming Pool ?? what swimming pool ?? Is it 212-5416-420.
Sorry Wrong Number.

Latex products factory tour

A guy is going on a tour of a factory that produces various latex products.

At the first stop, he is shown the machine that manufactures baby-bottle nipples. The machine makes a loud “hiss-pop” noise. “The hiss is the rubber being injected into the mold,” explains the guide. “The popping sound is the needle poking a hole in the end of the nipple.”

Later, the tour reaches the part of the factory where condoms are manufactured. The machine makes a “Hiss. Hiss. Hiss. Hiss-pop” noise. “Wait a minute!” says the man taking the tour. “I understand what the ‘hiss, hiss,’ is, but what’s that ‘pop’ every so often?”

“Oh, it’s just the same as in the baby-bottle nipple machine,” says the guide. It pokes a hole in every fourth condom.”

“Well, that can’t be good for the condoms!”

“Yeah, but it’s great for the baby-bottle nipple business!”

Charging her husband for sex

A woman went to a lawyer to discuss divorcing her husband. “Don’t you love him anymore?” asked the lawyer.
“Oh, I still love him,” the chick replied.
“But all he ever wants is sex, I can’t take it.”
“Instead of divorcing him why don’t you try charging him every time he wants to make love?” the lawyer suggested.

The exhausted wife decided to give the plan a try. As soon as she walked into the house that night her husband put the hard word on her.

“Not so fast,” she replied. “From now on it’ll be $10 in the kitchen, $20 in the living room and $50 in the bedroom.”

“Well, then,” he said. “Here’s $50.”
The wife began walking to the bedroom. ” Hold on,” he said, grabbing her hand. “That’ll be five times in the kitchen!”

Perfect breasts

A guy walking down the street sees a woman with perfect breasts. He says to her, “Hey miss, would you let me bite your breasts for $100 dollars?

“Are you nuts? !!” she replies, and keeps walking away. He turns around, runs around the block and gets to the corner before she does.

“Would you let me bite your breasts for $1,000 dollars?” he asks again.

“Listen you; I’m not that kind of woman! Got it?” So the guy runs around the next block and faces her again. “Would you let me bite your breasts just once for $10,000 dollars?”

She thinks about it for a while and says, “Hmmm, $10,000 dollars, eh? Ok, just once, but not here. Let’s go to that dark alley over there.”

So they go into the alley, where she takes off her blouse to reveal the most perfect breasts in the world. As soon as he sees them, he grabs them and starts caressing them, fondling them slowly, kissing them, licking them, burying his face in them, but not biting them.

The woman finally gets annoyed and asks, “Well? Are you gonna bite them or not?”

“Nah”, he replies. “Costs too much…”

Young woman in tight skirt

In a crowded city at a busy bus stop, a beautiful young woman wearing a tight leather skirt was waiting for a bus. As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus.

Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. She tried to
take the step, only to discover that she couldn’t.

So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more, and for the second time attempted the step. Once again, much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg.

With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to take the step. About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus. She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and screeched, “How dare you touch my body! I don’t even know who you are!”

The Texan smiled and drawled, “Well, ma’am, normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kind’a figured we was friends.”

The Balloon

A little boy blows up his balloon and starts flicking it all around the house with his finger. His mother tells him to stop it as he’s liable to break something. The boy continues. “Johnny!” mom screams. “Knock it off.

You’re going to break something.” He stops and eventually mom leaves for a short trip to the store. Johnny starts up with the balloon again. He gives it one last flick and it lands in the toilet.

Mom comes in and while putting away the groceries gets the urge. A diarrhea run. She can hardly make it to the toilet in time and SPLASH, out it comes.

When she’s finished she looks down and can’t believe what she’s seeing. Diarrhea everywhere! She’s not sure what this big brown thing is in the toilet! She calls her doctor.

The doctor is baffled as she describes the situation, but he assures her he’ll be over shortly to examine everything. When he arrives she leads him to the bathroom and he gets down on his knees and takes along, hard look at the thing. Finally, he takes out his pen and sort of touches it to see what it might be and POP! The balloon explodes and diarrhea is everywhere. On him, the walls, etc.

Doctor! Doctor! Are you alright?” she asks.

He says, “I’ve been in this business for over 30 years, and this is the first time I’ve ever seen a fart!”

Blonde girl in school

A girl came skipping home from school one day.

“Mommy, Mommy,” she yelled, ” we were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9. 10!

“Very good,” said her mother.

” Is it because I’m blonde, Mommy?”

“Yes, It’s because you’re blonde.”

The next day the girl came skipping home from school.
“Mommy, Mommy,” she yelled, ‘ we were saying the alphabet today and all the other kids could only say it to D, but I said it to G. See? A, B , C , D, E , F , G!”

“Very good,” said her mother.

“Is it because I’m blonde, Mommy?”

“Yes, It’s because you’re blonde”

“The next day the girl came skipping home from school.
“Mommy, Mommy,” she yelled ” we were in gym class today, and when we showered, all the other girls have flat chests, but I have these!” And she lifted her tank top to reveal a pair of 36cs.

“Very good,” said her embarassed mother.

“Is it because I’m blonde, Mommy?”

“No, honey. It’s because you’re 24!”

Newly wed woman

A woman from Alabama, who knew absolutely nothing about sex, fell in love with a man and agreed to marry him. As their wedding day approached, she became very nervous about her impending deflowering. Putting her anxiety aside, she decided that she would just marry her man and let him do whatever it was that he wanted to do.

The honeymoon went well and was great fun, but as soon as she got home, she went to see her doctor to question him on some of the new things she’d seen. “What can I help you with?” he asked. She said, “Well first, what is that thing between my husband’s legs called?” “Ma’am,” he answered, “that there is called a penis.” “I see,” she said. “Now what is the big thing on the end of the penis called?”The old doctor smiled and said, “Why that there is called the head of the penis.” “I do declare!” exclaimed the young woman. “One last question doctor, what are those two big round things about 12″-14″ behind the head of the penis?” He paused and said “I’m not sure about your husband, ma’am, but on me, they’re called the cheeks of my ass.”

Men Vs Women

When God created woman, He crossed a dung beetle with a cow and got this cute little thing with tits that runs around looking for shit all day.

A recent survey asked 100 sexually active men what they most enjoyed about a blow job. 99.9% of them said, “the 10 minutes of silence”!

Advantages of having an affair with a married woman?
They give like hell. They do not yell. They do not tell. They do not swell and there is no wedding bell.

Dirty Adult Sex Jokes

1. What is a four-letter word that ends in ‘k’ and means the same as intercourse?
2. What is it that a cow has four of and a woman has only two of?
3. What can you find in a man’s pants that is about six inches long, has a head on it, and that women love so much that they often blow it?
4. What word starts with ‘f ‘ and ends with ‘u-c-k’?
5. Name five words that are each four letters long, end in ‘ u-n-t ‘ and one of which is a word for a woman?
6. What does a dog do that you can step into?
7. What four-letter word begins with ‘f’ and ends with’ k’, and if you can’t get one you can use your hands?
8. What is hard, six inches long, has two nuts, and can make a girl fat?
9. What four-letter word ends in ‘it ‘ and is found on the bottom of birdcages?
10. What is it that all men have one of; it’s longer on some men than on others; the Pope doesn’t use his; and a man gives it to his wife after they’re married?

Answers:

1. talk
2. legs
3. a $20 bill
4. firetruck
5. bunt, hunt, runt, punt, aunt
6. pants
7. fork
8. Almond Joy candy bar
9. grit
10. surname

Sex during pregnancy

A pregnant woman and her husband asked the doctor if it was okay to have sex during her pregnancy. He told them that during the first trimester they could do it normal-style, during the second trimester they should do it dog-style and during the third trimester they were limited to wolf-style. “Wolf-style?” queried the husband. “What’s that?” “You lie next to the hole and howl,” replied the doctor.

Obsessions with women’s breats

A middle-aged man had an obsession with women’s breasts. So he went to a psychologist and told the doctor about his problem.

“I am going to do word association,explained the doctor. “I am going to say a word, and you will say the first thing that come to your mind.”

“Oranges,” said the doctor.

“Breasts,” replied the patient.

“Apples.”

“Breasts.”

“Watermelons.”

“Breasts.”

“Wipers.”

“Breasts,” said the patient with the same reply.

“Wait a minute! I can see the connections between oranges, apples, watermelons and breasts. But automobile’s wipers? Where is the connection?” asked the doctor.

“Easy … one on the left and one on the right!”

Pregnant daughter’s smart father

A twenty-one-year-old girl tells her Mom that she has missed her period for two months. Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit.
The test result shows that the girl is pregnant. Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, “Who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!” The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later a Ferrari stops in front of their house! ; a mature and distinguished man with gray hair, impeccably dressed in a very expensive suit, steps out of the car and enters the house. He sits in the living room with the father, the mother and the girl, and tells them, “Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem. I can’t marry her because of my personal family situation, but I’ll take charge. If a girl is born, I will bequeath her two retail stores, a townhouse, a beach villa and a $1,000,000 bank account. If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $2,000,000 bank account. If it is twins, a factory and $1,000,000 each. However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?” At this point, the father, who had remained silent, places a hand firmly on the man’s shoulder and tells him, “Then you can try again!”

Old man going to get Viagra pills

This old man in his eighty’s got up and was putting on his coat. His wife said, “Where are you going?”

He said, “I’m going to the doctor.”

And she said, “Why? Are you sick?”

“No,” he said. “I’m going to get me some of those new Viagra pills.”

So his wife got up out of her rocker and was putting on her sweater and he said, “Where are you going?”

She said, “I’m going to the doctor too.”

He said, “Why?”

She said, “If you’re going to start using that rusty old thing again, I’m going to get a tetanus shot.”

A dog named Sex

Everybody who has a dog calls him “Rover” or “Boy”, I call mine “Sex”. He’s a great pal but he has caused me a great deal of embarrassment.

When I went to City Hall to renew his dog license, I told the clerk I would like a license for Sex.

He said, “I’d like one too!” then I said, “But this is a dog.” He said he didn’t care what she looked like.

Then I said, “You don’t understand, I’ve had Sex since I was 9 years old.” He winked and said, “You must have been quite a kid.”

When I got married and went on my honeymoon, I took the dog with me. I told the motel clerk that I wanted a room for my wife and me and a special room for Sex.

He said, “You don’t need a special room . As long as you pay your bill we don’t care what you do.”

I said, “Look, you don’t seem to understand, Sex keeps me awake at night.”"

The clerk said, “Funny–I have the same problem.”

One day I entered Sex in a contest, but before the competition began, the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just standing there, looking disappointed. I told him I had
planned to have Sex in the contest. He told me I should have sold my own tickets.

“But you don’t understand,” I said, “I had hoped to have Sex on TV.” He said, “Now that cable is all over the place it’s no big deal anymore.”

When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight for custody of the dog, I said, “Your Honor, I had Sex before I was married.”

The judge said, “This courtroom isn’t a confessional. Stick to the case, please.” Then I told him that after I was married , Sex left me. He said “That’s not unusual. It happens to a lot people.”

Last night Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking around town for him. A cop came over to me and asked, “What are you doing in this alley at 4 o’clock in the morning?”

I told him that I was looking for Sex. My case comes up Friday.

Typical husbands…

A husband is at home watching a cricket match when his wife interrupts: “Honey, could you fix the light in the hallway? It’s been flickering for weeks now.”

He looks at her and says angrily. “Fix the light? Now does it look like I have Electrician printed on my forehead? I don’t think so.”

“Well then, could you fix the fridge door? It won’t close right.” To which he replied - “Fix the fridge door? Does it look like I have fridge technician written on my forehead? I don’t think so.”

“Fine,” she says “Then you could at least fix the steps to the front door? They’re about to break.”

“I’m not a darn carpenter and I don’t want to fix the steps,” he says. “Does it look like I have carpenter written on my forehead? Don’t think so. I’ve had enough of you. I’m going to the bar!!!”

So he goes to the bar and drinks for a couple of hours. He starts feeling guilty about the way he treated his wife, and decides to go home and help out.

As he walks into the house he notices the steps are already fixed. As he enters the house, he sees the hall light is working. As he goes to get a beer, he notices the fridge door is fixed.

“Honey, how’d all this get fixed?”

She said, “Well, when you left I sat outside and cried, just then a nice young man asked me what was wrong, and I told him. He offered to do all the repairs, and all I had to do was either going to bed with him or bake a cake.”

He said, “So what kind of cake did you bake him?”

She replied, “Hellooooo…. Do you see Monginis Bakery written on my forehead?”

No sex in six months

A man goes to his doctor and complains that his wife hasn’t wanted to have sex with him for the past six months.

The doctor tells the man to bring his wife in so he can talk to her and hopefully determine what the problem is.

The following day, the wife goes to the doctor’s office. The doctor asks her what’s wrong, why doesn’t she want to have sex with her husband?

“Oh, that’s easily explained. For the past six months,” the wife says, “I’ve been taking a cab to work every morning. I don’t have any money. The cab driver asks me, ‘Are you going to pay today, or what?’ So, I take an ‘or what’.”

“Then, when I get to work,” she continues, “I’m late, so the boss asks me, ‘Are we going to write this down in the book, or what?’ So, I take an ‘or what’.

I take a cab to go home after work and, as usual, I have no money. The cab driver asks me again, ‘So, are you going to pay this time, or what?’ Again, I take an ‘or what’.

So you see, doc, by the time I get home I’m all tired out and don’t want it anymore.”

“Yes, I see,” replies the doctor. “So, are we going to tell your husband, or what?”

nonveg jokes 3

Ladies hostel caught Fire. It took 1 hour to bring the fire under control and another 3 hours to bring the firemen under control.

——————————————-

Wife: If I sleep with your best friend what will be the first thought to come in your mind?
Husband: that you are a lesbian.

X-ray Glasses

Banta goes to the local novelty shop and finds a pair of x-ray glasses. He checks them out, and isn’t fully convinced, but as usual, the store assistant comes along and closes the deal.

On his way home, Banta puts on his new x-ray glasses and, bingo! He sees everyone in the street naked. He takes them off for a moment, and everyone has their clothes on. Puts the glasses back on… everyone is naked! “Cool!”

As he arrives back home, he is eager to show his new toy to his wife, Preeto, but can’t find her. He goes up to the bedroom and finds his wife and one of his colleagues, naked in bed. He takes his glasses off, and the two are still naked. He puts them back on, and they are still naked.

Banta then says, “Damn, I just paid Rs.350/- for these, and they’re already broken!”

Smart student

A first-grade teacher, Ms Neelam (Age 28) was having trouble with one of her students the teacher asked,”Boy. what is your problem?”
Boy. answered, “I’m too smart for the first-grade.My sister is in the third-grade and I’m smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third-grade too!”
Ms Neelam had enough. She took Boy. to the principal’s office.
While Boy. waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms Neelam he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave.She agreed.
Boy. was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.
Principal: “What is 3 x 3?”
Boy.: “9″.
Principal: “What is 6 x 6?”
Boy.: “36″.
And so it went with every question the principal thought a third-grade should know. The principal looks at Ms Neelam and tells her, “I think Boy. can go to the third-grade.”
Ms Neelam says to the principal, “I have some of my own questions.
Can I ask him ?” The principal and Boy. both agree.
Ms Neelam asks, “What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?
Boy., after a moment “Legs.”
Ms Nee lam: “What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?”
Boy.: “Pockets.”
Ms Neelam: What starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?
Boy.: Coconut
Ms Neelam: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft And sticky?
The principal’s eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer, Boy. was taking charge.
Boy.: Bubblegum
Ms Neelam: What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three leg s? The principal’s eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer…
Boy.: Shake hands
Ms Neelam: Now I will ask some “Who am I” sort of questions, okay?
Boy.: Yep.
Ms Neelam: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up.
I get wet before you do.
Boy.: Tent
Ms Neelam: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you’re bored.
The best man always has me first.The Principal was looking restless, a bit tense and took one large Patiala Vodka peg.
Boy.: Wedding Ring
Ms Neelam: I come in many sizes. When I’m not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good.
Boy.: Nose
Ms Neelam: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver.
Boy.: Arrow
Ms Neelam: What word star ts with a ‘F’ and ends in ‘K’ that means lot of heat and excitement?
Boy.: Firetruck
Ms Neelam: What word starts with a ‘F’ and ends in ‘K’ & if u dont get it u have to use ur hand.
Boy.: Fork
Ms Neelam: What is it that all men have one of it’s longer on some men than on others, the pope doesn’t use his and a man gives it to his wife after they’re married?
Boy.: SURNAME
Ms Neelam: What part of the man has no bone but has muscles, has lots of veins, like pumping, & is responsible for making love ?
Boy.: HEART.
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the teacher, “Send this Boy. to College, I got the last ten questions wrong myself!”

Free Sex with Fill-Up

With the high gasoline price, a gas station owner in Texas was trying to increase sales, so the owner put up a sign saying, “Free Sex with Fill-Up.”

Soon a local redneck pulled in, filled his tank, and then asked for his free sex. The owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10. If he guessed correctly, he would get his free sex. The redneck then guessed 8, and the proprietor said, “You were close. The number was 7. Sorry, no sex this time.”

A week later, the same redneck, along with a buddy, Bubba, pulled in for a fill-up. Again he asked for his free sex. The proprietor again gave him the same story, and asked him to guess the correct number. The redneck guessed 2 this time. Again the proprietor said, “Sorry, it was 3. You were close, but no free sex this time.”

As they were driving away, the redneck said to his buddy, “I think that game is rigged and he doesn’t really give away free sex.”

Bubba replied, “No it ain’t, rigged at all Billy, some folks just get lucky, heck my wife won twice last week.”

Dr. Smith’s Remedy

A flat-chested young lady went to Dr. Smith about enlarging her tiny breasts. Dr. Smith advised her, “Every day after your shower rub your chest and say, “Scooby doobie doobies, I want bigger boobies.”
She did this faithfully for several months and it worked! She grew terrific D-cup boobs! One morning she was running late, got on the bus and in a panic realised she had forgotten her morning ritual.
Frightened she might lose her lovely boobs if she didn’t recite the little rhyme, she stood right there in the middle aisle of the bus closed her eyes and said, “Scooby doobie doobies, I want bigger boobies.”
A guy sitting nearby looked at her, “By any chance, are you a patient of Dr. Smith’s?” “Why, yes I am… How did you know?” He leaned closer, winked and whispered, “Hickory dickory dock…”

nonveg jokes 2

Q: What’s a birth control pill?
A: It’s the second best thing a woman can put in her mouth to prevent pregnancy.
————–
There are 4 ways to love:
Hand in hand.
That in hand.
Hand in that.
That in that.
————–
Sex karo daily,
Agar wo mil jaye akeli,
agar na mile akeli to pakar lo uski saheli,
agar na mile saheli to zindabad hatheli
lekin sex karo daily
————–
Penis is better than credit card. bcoz -accepted worldwide , auto reloadable No limit on usage Needs no authorization no need to swipe just wipe after use!
————–
Kaho Sunil Suhag Raat kaisi rahi
Sunil:Kuch mat poocho yaar! Pehle 5-6 baar toh Missed call lagi aur jab sahi number laga toh balance Nil ho gaya!
————–
Military Etiquettes of Penis:-
1) It Salutes da deservin ppl.
2)It Conquers da Virgin Land
3)It Marches thru thick Jungles
4) Fights till last breath!!!
————–
Why are the condoms transparent ?
So that the sperm can atleast enjoy the scenery!
————–
A girl gos 2 repair umbrela, d man said “UPAR KA KAPDA NIKALNA PADEGA NICHE SE DANDA DALNA PADEGA” girl said kuch b karo lekin pani andar nahi aana chaiye.
————–
Santa entered into ladies toilet. “a lady said yeh mahilaon ke liye hai”… Santa opened his zip and said yeh bhi mahilaon ke liye hai.
————–
REMEMBER: if u need a FUCK, u can always count on me bcoz F.U.C.K stands for FRIENDS U CAN KEEP. Fuck 4ever, & promise me that we FUCK till eternity!
————–

nonveg okes 1

Mom to her notorious girl: Tell me the name of the bastard, who made you pregnant.
Girl: Hey mom, after eating a dozen bananas, can u tell which one made you fat?
———————
Women is the best vehicle in the world.
Front - 2 bumpers!
Back - 2 bumpers!
Self lubricating when hot!
Monthly automatic engine oil change!
Every type of piston fits!
———————
**Season Dhamaka**
Send your girlfriend to me and get a child free..
Hurry! First 10 lucky winners will get twins.
———————
Q: What do you do on mother’s day?
A: Help girls in becoming mothers.
———————
MAN TO PRIEST: FORGIVE ME FATHER FOR I HAVE SINNED I USUALLY READ DIRTY JOKES AND VIEW PICTURES OF GIRLS ON MY MOBILE.
PRIEST:FOWARD UR SINS TO ME!
———————
What’s common between the SUN & WOMEN’S UNDERWEAR?

1) both are hot.
2) both look better while going down
3) both disappear by night…………
———————
Behind every SUCCESSFUL woman, there is a SATISFIED man,
But behind a SATISFIED woman, there are several EXHAUSTED men…
———————
Smoking reduces ur life by 5 mins.
Sex increases ur life by 10 min.

So the conclusion is that a fucking smoker never dies!
———————
A prostitute’s nursery rhyme:
One two lets screw,
Three four I’m a whore,
Five six suck the dick,
Seven eight ejaculate,
Nine ten fuck me again.
———————
Teacher : What do you want to become????
Sam : Doctor…!!!!!
Teacher : Why????
Sam : Bcoz its the only profession where u can tell a woman to take
off her clothes & ask her Husband to pay 4 it….!!!!
———————
John asks his grandpa: “Do you still have sex with granny?”
Grandpa: “Yes,but only oral.”
John says: “What is oral?”
Grandpa: “I say Fuck you, and she says: Fuck you 2.”
———————
Customer: Excuse me, but how can this tiny little hand bag cost so much?
Cashier: It`s made of foreskin madam, when u lick it, it becomes a suitcase!
———————
Who is stronger man/woman?
A. woman, coz she lifts 2 mountains on her chest while a man lifts only 2 stones and that with help of a crane.
———————