One word or two?

An elderly couple had been dating for some time and decided it was
finally time to marry. Before the wedding, they had a long
conversation regarding how their marriage might work. They discussed
finances, living arrangements and so on.
Finally the old man decided it was time to broach the subject of their
physical relationship.
"How do you feel about sex?" he asked, rather hopefully.
"Well, I'd have to say I like it infrequently," she responded.
The old guy paused... then he asked, "Was that one word or two?"

One word or two?

An elderly couple had been dating for some time and decided it was
finally time to marry. Before the wedding, they had a long
conversation regarding how their marriage might work. They discussed
finances, living arrangements and so on.
Finally the old man decided it was time to broach the subject of their
physical relationship.
"How do you feel about sex?" he asked, rather hopefully.
"Well, I'd have to say I like it infrequently," she responded.
The old guy paused... then he asked, "Was that one word or two?"

Questions to Ponder about Viagra

If a man overdoses on Viagra, how do they get the casket lid shut?

If the insurance companies are going to set guidelines before
approving Viagra coverage, what are they going to use? A growth chart?

I dropped a Viagra in a jar of small sweet pickles last night and this
morning had a jar full of big Kosher dills.

I would only take Viagra for intellectual purposes, so my head would swell.

Before Viagra, for some people, making love was classified as "assault
with a dead weapon."

Viagra, medicine's version of "MIRACLE-GRO." Mix Viagra and Prozac and
you have a guy who is ready to go, but doesn't really care where.

Are you taking Viagra or are you just happy to see me?

If however you do need to take Viagra, remember to swallow them
quickly otherwise you'll get a stiff neck.

A shipment of Viagra was highjacked today. Police have put out an
All-Points bulletin: Be on the lookout for two hardened criminals!
They will face a stiff sentence when convicted and they'll surely be
sent to a Penal Institution.

Scientists developed the idea for Viagra after studying President Clinton's DNA.

The virgin and the farmer boy

One day, she went to his parents' house for dinner. When they got done
eating dinner, they decided to go for a walk through the pasture.
While they were walking, they came upon 2 horses that were mating. She
looks at them with wonder because she has never seen anything like
this before.

She asks the boy, "What are they doing?" He says: "They're making love."

"Well, what's that long thing he's sticking in there?" She asked. "Oh,
uh, that's his rope," he answered.

"Well, what are those two round things on the other end?" she asked.
He says, "Those are his knots." She says, "Oh, ok, I got it."

As they continue their stroll, they come to a barn and go in. She
looks at him and says, "I want you to make love to me the way those
animals were." Surprised and excited, the boy agrees.

While they are getting at it all hot and heavy, she grabs his balls
and squeezes. "Whoa, what are you doing?!" he shouts.

The girl innocently replies, "I'm untying the knots so I'll get more rope!"

Little Johnny's sister

The kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about
something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the
time came for the little kids to give their reports, the teacher was
calling on them one at a time.

She was reluctant to call upon little Johnnie, knowing that he
sometimes could be a bit crude. But eventually his turn came. Little
Johnnie walked up to the front of the class, and with a piece of
chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard, then sat back down.
Well the teacher couldn't figure out what Johnnie had in mind for his
report on something exciting, so she asked him just what that was.

"It's a period," reported Johnnie.

"Well I can see that," she said. "But what is so exciting about a period."

"Damned if I know," said Johnnie, "but this morning my sister said she
missed one. Then Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted and the man
next door shot himself."

Cheating accountant and wife

A 54-year-old accountant leaves a letter for his wife one evening which read:
"Dear Wife, I am 54 years old, and by the time you get this letter I
will be at the Grand Hotel with my beautiful and sexy eighteen year
old secretary."

When he arrived at the hotel, there was a letter waiting for him that
read as follows:
"Dear Husband, I too am 54 years old, and by the time you receive this
letter I will be at the Savoy Hotel with my eighteen year old toy boy.
Because you are an accountant, you will surely appreciate that 18 goes
into 54 many more times than 54 goes into 18."

Reunion of four friends

After a few laughs and drinks, one of them had to go to the rest room.

The ones who stayed behind began to talk about their kids and their
successes. The first guy says: I am very proud of my son, he is my
pride and joy. He started working at a very successful company at the
bottom of the barrel. He studied Economics and Business Administration
soon he was promoted and began to climb the corporate ladder becoming
the General Manager and now he is the president of the company. He
became so rich that he gave his best friend a top of the line Mercedes
Benz for his birthday.

The second guy says: Damn, that's terrific!! My son is also my pride
and joy, I am very proud of him. He started working at a traveling
agency for a very big airline. He went to flight school to become a
pilot and also managed to become a partner in the company where he now
owns the majority of the assets. He became so rich that he gave his
best friend a brand new jet for his birthday.

The third guy says: Well, well, well congratulations!! My son is also
my pride and joy and he is also very rich. He studied in the best
universities and became an Engineer. He started his own construction
company and became very successful and a multimillionaire. He also
gave away some thing very nice and expensive to his best friend for
his birthday. He built a 30,000 sq ft mansion specially for his
friend.

The three friends congratulated each other mutually for the successes
of theirs sons. The forth friend who earlier had gone to restroom
returned and asked: What's going on, what are all the congratulations
for? One of the three said: We were talking about the pride we feel
for the successes of our sons. And then he asked, What about your son?

The forth man replied: My son is Gay and he makes a living dancing as a
stripper at a nightclub.

The three friends said: What a shame that must be, that is horrible,
what a disappointment you must feel. The forth man replied: No, I am
not ashamed. Not at all. He is my son and I love him just as well, he
is my pride and joy. And he is very lucky too. Did you know that his
birthday just passed and the other day he received a beautiful 30,000
sq ft mansion, a brand new jet and a top of the line Mercedes Benz
from his three boyfriends.

Teacher with rose placed in cleavage

One day the teacher came to class with a rose placed in her cleavage.

She asked, "Can anyone tell me what roses drink? How about you, Johnny ?"

"Milk!" answered Little Johnny.

"No, I'm sorry. That's the wrong answer. Roses drink water," explained
the teacher.

"Wow!" Johnny exclaimed. "I didn't know the stem was that long!"

Japanese Prostitute

A man was on his first business trip to Japan, and he decided to check
out the local Whore House. He walked in and was assigned a young girl
with a body that got him "up" immediately. As soon as they reached the
room, he started ripping her clothes off and going to town.

Moaning and grunting, the girl was screaming in Japanese, "Wasukima!
Wasukima!" He was sure that she was praising him for his good job, so
he kept going harder than ever.

Later, he went golfing with his boss and a few clients.

As the clients were Japanese, he decided to impress them with his new
knowledge of their language. When one of them got a hole in one, he
raised his arms and shouted "Wasukima!".

All of the men looked at him quizzically, and one of them asked, "Why
are you shouting 'wrong hole'?"

Horsey ride

One day, little Mikey came home from kindergarten and couldn't find
his mother. So he headed upstairs and opened her bedroom door.

To his surprise, he saw his dad stripped naked on top of his mom, who
was also naked, both heavily into the sexual act. Not wanting to
traumatize the boy, the parents continued to do what they were doing.

After a couple of minutes, Mikey asked, "Daddy, can I climb on top and
have a horsey ride?"

The dad thinks for a second, "Of course son, we're a family."

After a couple more minutes his mother starts moaning and writhing wildly.

"Hang on Dad!" cries Mikey, "This is where me and the mailman usually fall off!"

Little Johnny's sister

The kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about
something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the
time came for the little kids to give their reports, the teacher was
calling on them one at a time.

She was reluctant to call upon little Johnnie, knowing that he
sometimes could be a bit crude. But eventually his turn came. Little
Johnnie walked up to the front of the class, and with a piece of
chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard, then sat back down.
Well the teacher couldn't figure out what Johnnie had in mind for his
report on something exciting, so she asked him just what that was.

"It's a period," reported Johnnie.

"Well I can see that," she said. "But what is so exciting about a period."

"Damned if I know," said Johnnie, "but this morning my sister said she
missed one. Then Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted and the man
next door shot himself."