A man and wife in the garden

A man and his wife were working in their garden one day and the man looks over at his wife and says: "Your butt is getting really big…….I mean really big. I bet your butt is bigger than the Barbecue grill."

With that he proceeded to get a measuring tape and measure the grill and then went over to where his wife was working and measured his wife's bottom.

"Yes, I was right………your butt is two inches wider than our barbecue grill!"

The woman chose to ignore her husband. Later that night in bed, the husband is feeling a little frisky. He makes some advances towards his wife who completely brushes him off.

"What's wrong?" he asks.

She answers: "Do you really think I'm going to fire up this big grill for one lousy little sausage?"

The Cookie

Little Johnny and his grandfather are fishing by a peaceful lake beneath some weeping willow trees. The grandfather takes out a cigarette and lights it.

Little Johnny says, "Grandpa, can I try one of your cigarettes?"

"Can you touch your butt with your penis?"

"No," replies Little Johnny.

"Then, you're not big enough," explains the grandfather.

A few minutes pass, and the man takes a beer out of his cooler and opens it.

Little Johnny then asks, "Grandpa, can I have some of your beer?"

"Can you touch your asshole with your penis?"

"No," says Little Johnny.

"Then, you're not old enough."

Time passes and they continue to fish. Little Johnny gets hungry so he reaches into his lunch box, takes out a bag of cookies, and eats one.

The grandfather looks at him and says, "They look good, can I have one of your cookies?"

"Can you touch your asshole with your penis?"

"I most certainly can!" says the grandfather proudly.

"Then go fuck yourself… these are my cookies!"

Bihari and Wife

A Bihari was working in Mumbai and he did not meet this wife for four (4) years while his wife was in Patna (Bihar ).

At the end of 4 years he distributed sweets to his colleagues in office stating that his wife had
delivered a son.

His colleagues were quite shocked and they asked how this "Happy event" happened when he had not seen his wife for four years…

The man said it is common in Bihar that neighbours take care of the wife (good Samaritans) when men are away.

The colleagues asked him, "What name will you give to the son?"

The man explained, "If its the second neighbour who has taken care, then the name would be "DWIVEDI";

If it is the third neighbour then it would be "TRIVEDI",

If it is the fourth neighbour then it would be "CHATURVEDI";

If its the fifth neighbour then it would be "PANDEY"…

After listening to this, questions followed.

What if it is a mixture of neighbours?
"Then the boy would be named "MISHRA"…

And what if the wife is too shy to tell the name of the neighbour?
Then it would be "SHARMA"…

But what if she refuses to divulge the name of the neighbour?
Then the name of the child would be "GUPTA"…

If she does not remember the name then?
"It is YAAD-AV"

But who knows whether the child resulted from a rape?
Then it will be named "DOSHI"…

Finally, if the child happened because of wife's burning desire?
Then he will be named "JOSHI"…

And if the whole country had made efforts for the happy arrival?
"DESHPANDEY."